Coming up for air

I've been thinking about my blog - a lot! Really!

But as has been quite noticeable, not much of that thinking has made it into words posted. So I've made a new agreement with myself, and therefore with my readers. What really matters isn't being profound. Or writing with beautiful words. Or length, let's not forget length! I am following those wise words of William Stafford: 

"Lower your standards."

So, from here on, the direction I'm choosing is to put some of what's taking place, some of my journey into words on this blog, several times a week. A promise to myself and to you - and we'll see how it works!

For now, blessings of this new week to you and to us-uns here!

Moon comes looking for me

Sunday. 
Lessons and carols at my new adopted church, with beautiful harmonies of ancient and familiar carols. 
Then some errands which included finding the perfect fleece vest at a second-hand store. Ah coziness! 
A quick trip home to get the dogs for some time at a park. And then home again. 
Stopped at a red light, I happened to look up. Whoa! 
Here's what I saw:

So of course I found a place to park so I could try and catch this magic. 
Big fat moon, eluding the bare-branched trees, trying so hard to catch it. 
As I watched the moon rose and rose, getting bigger and bigger until it looked like this  ➜

  all within five minutes...



I drove home and the moon set above me as I drove up into the hills. Aha - I could try again. Maybe I could get a clearer image! Waiting and watching, I turned around and saw my home against the sunset over the bay. Enough to keep the eyes of my heart happy as I waited for the moon to appear... 

Was I standing in the right place? Was that a glow at the top of the hills above me? Was the moon going to rise behind some of the buildings stepping up the hill and me miss it?

And then… there it was. That unmistakeable tell-tale glow behind the trees. 

Waiting…
 watching… and slowly, slowly there it came

     



    Little by little, it grew and grew, 
          while I watched carefully, 
       with love, honouring its beauty, 
          its strength, its power to hold our earth 
            in balance, to keep the tides
               ebbing and flowing. There.

             How we are blessed. 

DAYS OF THANKING

Wild Thanks Givings

Poems of thanks giving, of praise and

gratitude deposit small pools

throughout the heart. These little

pools of quenched thirst, of eased

longings, of comforted sorrows and

more than that, the ratcheting down of

the hundred thousand aches and pains,

these small pools of praise open the

windows, the curtains, shutters to life

not yet lived, waiting, hoping for that

impetuous embrace that unlocked, 

unclenched, undisturbed bed of

joy, celebration, 

savour 

of moments

piled upon moments, that pure liquid

ecstasy of the body, the scent

taste, touch, the cascading sounds

the wonder of trees 

cradling the sky, of water 

feeding earth, its own hundred 

thousand movements, its charting of

terrain and currents and shorelines,

its counter to sky, its resistance to

moon, its million glittering points of

reflected, dancing gratitude to the

sun of all being, to light and blue

and wind of the spirit. 

There it is –

a cascade of living animals and

strange beings, of shifting realities

and emotions, a kaleidoscopic waltz

of sensation and opening hearts – the gift.

      11.29.2013     ©Gyllian Davies

THE BLESSING OF RAIN...

It's raining. Yesterday and today, the skies have been heavy with that dark slate grey, the air is full of fat drops intent on only one thing - DOWN.

The trees are dancing with delight and relief. Walking home yesterday I swear I could hear them singing. After days followed by months of no rain, they are drinking in the moisture, savouring the deep cleanse of all their leaves being rinsed free of dust and grit. 

So I'm remembering about savouring. I'm remembering the importance of casting back over the week, in a slow and measured way, just as the fly fisherman stands still and quiet in the middle of the stream, watching and feeling the flow and the currents. 

And I'm remembering also the importance of focusing in on my ways of being in the world, being with myself, being with others, casting back to see when was I aligned with my own spirit, living in full integrity, and choosing a path with heart.

I am remembering to stop and look at who I've been and what I've done, and to draw out the times that are good, the times I've more than measured up to the abundance of enough-ness. 

But it's more than that, more than seeing, listing, cataloguing, the times and ways in which I've shown up, been my word, fulfilled my commitments AND my own expectations and dreams... 
I also want to take the time to really savour each one. 
To set down the misgivings, the second-guessing, the doubts, the missed deadlines or forgotten tasks, to let all that fall away in a wash of self-forgiveness and release so I can really allow myself to feel the goodness, the satisfaction, the delight! of all that I've done, all I've been, all the living, breathing essence of soul expressed by me in this past week.


And then, inevitably…  to love my living. 
Because it is inevitable that when I take the time, and choose to be open-hearted, 
after illuminating my own life, cherishing my own life, 
I will then find myself 
in a heart-dance of celebratory love for my own life. 

Dancing with the trees, dancing with delight and relief.

BALANCING DARK AND LIGHT

Last night, I was exchanging thoughts with a friend on Facebook. Put it down to my cold, but I had slid into a place of discouragement and cynicism after reading about the demonstrations at Elsipogtog and the violent reaction from the RCMP.

Then my friend responded: "I am refusing to feed the wolf that supports the dark side." And I was called back to myself, cold and all. For neither do I, although I'd been edging along the verge of doing so. Maybe even dipping my toes in. Oops. Then this morning, another friend commented that she needed a prayer because all the politics was scaring her, and I realized how careful we need to be with our choices. I do want people to know the state of things AND it's essential to balance the info I post with large dollops of LIGHT, JOY, BEAUTY, and GRATITUDE. There's all too much of the dark if we look that way - and look we must, so we know where to aim our light-bearing.But ever and always, it's so important to nourish ourselves with that life-sustaining GOODNESS that's also out there awaiting our witness. So for her prayer I share one from my book, "In A Time Of Change; Poems for the Lost and The Found, The Hungry and the Hopeful".

photo credit: Shirley Halnan                

                               HOPE                                                           

     I move slow and soft across the landscape -     

     like fog drifting down the mountainside or

     the incoming tide creeping over the sand, my motions

     of heal and repair in the world would not show

     from outer space, nor even from the other side

     of the mountain. But here’s what I draw from the wisdom

     of the rocks here – marble and limestone, granite

     and mica:  we each have our strength

     and our weakness, which when reversed - like night 

     and day -  reveal hidden courage, gutsy and

     whimsical. Seven songs of healing rest on the shoulder

     of any unexpected change – that is the gift waiting

     to be opened. And five feathers of sorrow linger in

     the hand of the presenter – there is the weight

     and counter-balance longed for by the heart. If

     we lift ourselves to soar with the thermals, we can

     learn to live with the earth, leaving behind our determined

     survival-in-spite-of. Then as the songs pour from 

     the east, we can slide into the open, overtaking

     and overturning the three thieves of love. At that moment

     of victory will our hearts leap into the joy - 

     dancing, spinning, forming and unforming

     joining and dissolving into 

     the circle of the One.

                            © Gyllian Davies

LESSONS ~ HERE THEY COME AGAIN!

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling a little odd, nothing to get excited about - until I almost fell over from dizziness three different times as I headed for my shower. Yikes! There was no avoiding the fact of it - I had the flu. 

I spent the day dozing, drinking ginger tea, chewing away on my readings for classes, and hoping, really, really hoping, that I had the twenty-four hour variety. Today I feel a little bit better. I'm pretty sure it's not wishful thinking since I actually managed to walk up and down my stairs four times - twice for the daily dog-walks (which must go on), and twice because I was truly out of clean laundry. I washed my sheets too, which felt like an optimistic gesture. You know - no point in washing the sheets until the virus or germs or whatever have gone on their merry way. And now I'm whacked, from just that little effort. Off to bed shortly.

But first! (as one of my heros, Jian Ghomeshi would say) some musings on how getting sick yields gems of insight. Yes, really. First one came this morning as I woke up with no urgency. The alarm was irrelevant, my schedule was out the window, my only goal - do whatever my body needed to heal. Lying there I noticed how delicious blue sky is. And how even more delicious it is to simply lie still and take it in. Ahhhh (as my yoga teacher would say. I can hear her now) And following on that I also noticed how much I love the colours of the world as revealed by sunlight. And further, what a fine thing it is to lie in bed simply revelling in all that beauty right outside my window.

At which point it occurred to me ~ I need to incorporate some delicious body moments into my life on purpose. A regular diet of them, particularly one alarm-free morning per week. I have been pushing myself to do as much as possible every single day. Rising early so I can fit my practices in AND give the dogs some time at the park AND eat breakfast before classes. And then I stay up late either reading or working on assignments. I do believe it's called burning the candle at both ends. And I do believe as well, that my body is saying a firm no to this practice.

So from here on, I declare Saturday mornings as my time out from having to get up, whether or not I'm ready. I suspect this will really increase the beauty of my life. And I happen to know that beauty is essential to wholeness and vitality! 

Another gem came with a text from one of my class-mates asking if I needed a dog-walker while I was down with the flu. Such grace, such generosity. I see that I forgot and have been gently reminded ~ sometimes we are called to surrender which can look like asking for help. I may take him up on it tomorrow, as I attempt to resume my life. 

I have my sensors turned on high now, keeping a look-out for other ways to nourish wholeness within the intensity of life. Tomorrow will be another day, yup, virgin invitations to engage surrender, fresh chances for kindness to my body, new ways to absorb beauty. I think I'm ready.

BREATHING AN OPEN SPACE into life...

Isn't it time for a blog post? I ask myself this question and the answer is the usual one these days - "there's no time for anything except getting my readings done. And now there's papers too - yikes!"

Yet, inside me a voice calls out - where is the space for the sacred? Where is the time for stopping and listening to that still small voice? 

This intensity of my life, this focus on classes to the exclusion of almost everything else, this continual sense of work not yet done... It reminds me of Bible reading assignments from these past weeks "How long will you make me wait, Oh Israel?" Yahweh calls out to the people when they ignore that holy relationship. 

Well, you couldn't exactly say I'm ignoring the Holy of Holies, what with classes focused on the Bible, on Anglicanism, on the history of early Christianity, and several times of worship each day, but my own soul feels squinched. I wonder if there's space in my life for the big picture of why I'm here at seminary. 

So I ask my soul, "What would feed you? How can I be tender towards your needs?" The answers that come back are surprisingly simple - of course!   

photo credit: Duncan Millar                                                                     

♡   by taking time to savour the amazing world we live in, this incredible ecosystem that gives us all we need to exist - air to breathe, water to drink and bathe in, earth to stand upon and have a home on... How'd we get to be so lucky! 
I breathe in and remember this.

♡   by asking the big questions and opening to improbable answers. By listening gently, with no agenda. By waiting, being still, trusting.

♡   by never missing an opportunity to laugh, to rejoice in silliness, to engage in foolishness. Letting my child out to play.

♡   by giving myself enough sleep so that when I wake up I remember my dreams, those doorways into mystery and harbingers of wholeness.

♡   by remembering to ask myself – or maybe to ask the Holy – what am I called to be doing here? What are the lessons I need to learn so I can be of greater service when I return home? Gifting myself re-connection with my unique path, my distinct call.

There's probably more, only... those books are calling me and it's time to return to them!